E Boy News
March 2001 Volume 1.1
REDEEMING QUALITIES CONFIRMED
Washington, DC (AP)
An affidavit was filed today by famed Mood Change Artist, Deanna Krantz, in local DC Superior
Court. Ms. Krantz explained that she felt it necessary to let the world know that Ted Unseth (founder of E Boy Enterprises
Worldwide) is not, as has been recently reported in several 'scandal sheet' journals, without redeeming qualities.
Ms. Krantz was adamant about setting the record straight and insisted on being quoted as saying "I've known Mr.
Unseth for more than 25 years and he's consistently displayed at least one redeemable quality--he's Trainable."
Copies of the affidavit were distributed to members of the press. Two entries were particularly noteworthy:
1. "Mr. Unseth resided in my basement for nine years and when I finally gave him permission to use the laundry
facilities unsupervised (I believe it was the fifth year) he showed that he could follow my instructions implicitly. I have
a real distaste for other peoples' 'residue' and I found none of that pursuant to any of his laundry sessions. A gold star."
2. "I've been quoted many times that there isn't a man on this planet who doesn't dribble on the rim or
floor after spending a penny. Well, I was wrong. There is one. I think the world should sit up and take notice of the fact
that Ted Unseth took this statement to his heart and taught himself to spend his pennies with ultimate responsibility--which
is to say: no residue here, either. A second gold star. Give the man his due."